May is such a quiet month.. Just concentrate of earning more bucks n stop myself from thinking too much. My medical reports was superb but doctor say my body was fatigue and need to rest more if i want myself to be health in the long run. So i decided to cut down my classes by increasing my pay. It might sound a bit funny but i think is a way i save my body n wallet at the same time.Hopefully some bosses understand my situation
Seem i'm cool down more every months bcoz i keep telling myself things will be over soon but i know it will never end, Why am i still holding on? i really donno how to answer this question but everything look so wrong sometimes.I feel neglected, the way i being pamper is different, most of the things is treated a different way then it was. I think i should just keep myself quiet, cool, happy, and flow with everything. Waiting for miracle to happen is like waiting for someone dead n come back alive. Never had such a worst feeling before. I feel like give up my crews, myself n walk away to have a better life.This is what happen last time to Racken Force. I don't wish history to be repeated. I don't wanna feel regret again. What i can do is wait for the Miracle.
But however waiting has the time limit, when it strike mean is over. So i hope before it strike miracle will hit if not i'm speechless to say it now.
Life goes on. I just keep telling myself *enough of everything* is time to pamper myself.
I start shopping, massage, hair do, manicure. really feel like a princess or can be call Enjoyment as a lady. Next i wan to buy heel, nice dress, skirt, or blouse. Make myself pretty, sexy. Next will go nite out party, dating, woohoo. It sound so naughty n nasty but i like. I should be enjoying my life for now. Yohoo!! can't wait to make myself pretty n happy :)
Hope everything goes well n miracle happen.. *PRAY*
Friday, May 13, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
April end with ;(
Is April the holiday, the birthday, the celebration that i been waiting and waiting.. It started with a happy, holiday heart when the calendar strike 22 april 12am to 23th april. the uneasy feeling strike me again. I keep feeling there is something happen but i keep telling myself is not true. But as usual i will check in whatever way to find out the truth..then i put it aside bcoz it wasn't strong enough to prove the lies.
On 24th April is the day i meet him and ready for our holiday. I prepare the present n a little surprise when he back to SG. I reach SG at 4.30pm then i walk around n eat my lunch.Prepare for class at 6.30pm my adek teaching. At 6.10pm my phone rang, he call me say he is at airport. My heart was hit by an arrow n burst. I turn speechless n lost. I break my promise with adek,arjuna n others saying got to go. I went to the airport n saw him sitting outside with t-shirt is was so hurtful. I can;t even smile n give him a big hugs or kiss. I feel so stupid.But i maintain n went home with him book air ticket,hotel room n pack everything for our holiday in Taiwan.1st holiday together going so far.Excited but feeling got mix up.
On 25th morning we went to airport at 5am. So freaking early but we are like half awake so we sleep all the way in the flight after we ate our breakfast.I'm putting the things aside n enjoy myself with him. He pamper me n take care of me bcoz the seat is not really comfortable.so i sleep on his thigh.feel so good n i slept all the way :) Reach taiwan at 12pm. then we get our stuff n check in to the hotel. The hotel is so nice n clean good choice. After that we went for lunch then sleep.HAHA
after the sleep, we hit to SHIHLIN at 8.30pm then we eat,shop,n drink XD.
He bought me a air troupe just newly arrive.He really pamper me. I really kiss n hugs him so tight. Feel the holiday is so superb.
26th we went to XiMEN DING for shopping. We took bus, train. DIE DIE no taxi trying to save money n shop more. XD We walk almost the whole place n found many many cool stuff. He like it but the price is EX especially the stuff he like.. never seem to get anything from XIMENDING then we went to find the NEw Era cap as VOn told me. hahaha found the shop using iphone map. but he don like cap so we went back hotel after tat. LAter at 8.40pm we went to shihlin again for food n shopping. This time we plan to play 5-10 so we bought some soft drink to mix with liqour. Is such a bad nite i lost most of the game n i drunk. I start making so much noise n say out alots of foul words. i can't control my emotion after i found something. HAIZZZ bad nite
27th wake up with headache n migraine. Hate myself for drinking so much n i really can't remember what did i say to him. i took panadol then watch tv til he wake up. Then we went out to miramar wheels n walk around n have lunch.I was putting the sadness aside n enjoy myself. Then we took alots of picture walking around the shopping mall. But seem taiwan shopping mall very quite n boring. At 7pm we decide to go Shihlin again for dinner. This time Q for the fried chicken then crab, then pearl drink, fruits, and etc.HAHA FAT!! i go crazy shopping for lil gift for my girls. After everything we were too tired n go back hotel. Back hotel my emotion start again.. arghhh!!! i hate myself.. This time no drink or anything just normal talk. I'm happy he tell me so much n decide to stay positive.Then i fall asleep after listening to everything.
28th we wake up late.Around 3pm we check out n went for lunch before taxi uncle pick us up to airport. We were very quiet today bcoz i seem lost of talking interest.But he remain cool n make me happy.After lunch, we go airport n bad news is flight delay one hour. AHH!!! then we went burger king. Here we eat n laugh. then suddenly me again emotion lose control n small fight. He stop the conversation n stop the fight. I remain quiet til we get ourself check in n board in. I think i was thinking too much til my head migraine. After we get our boarding ticket i lose balance n giddy n i fall to him. He got to take care of me again althought after the fight.I really donno what type of feeling should i have. Waited til like 9plus only the flight board when the time supposed to be 7.45pm. Haizxz. Feel not well n he still willing to take care of me after i mess up the holiday. buy food n drink for me, blanket me n kiss me on the forehead. TELL ME WHAT AM I DOING?
29th reach airport at 2am. Drive home n unpack is already 3plus. Tired doh!! going back kl later at 1pm. Really like marathon holiday.The next day i just feel asking him to rest at SG then follow me back KL rehearsal. But he willing to do as what we plan. Back to kl at 4.30pm then i rehearse with my girls. After tat we went for dinner at McD then movie at TGV watching THOR.. NICe movie n we enjoy our nite.I did bring up the topic n he say back home first.so i silence again.
30th wake up at 8am n go 1u for show rehearsal. I pity myself so do him. I turn speechless sometimes donno what am i thinking about. And what is he doing n thinking about. :(
Showtime at 1.15pm end 1.40pm then we have a drink at Kluang Station with von, yvonne, bobby, astro ppl. At 2.40pm we left n hit back to Singapore. The traffic was bad that take us 5hours to reach Singapore. i start again n he end it again. We went staright to town for dinner with his friends then recognize studio for dance session bcoz cinema seem to be full.. So we left studio around 11.40pm. I feel so not happy bcoz i got the feeling again. back home i shower n rest don even feel like doing anything stupid again. But my emotion hit me again n i send him a sms with his reply i put myself in silence. I was planning to leave n drive back in the middle of the night but is really crazy if i do so. Then i tell myself sleep n wake up with a better mind.
1st May the day i hate it so much due to something. But i remain silence so tat i don't blow any bad words again. I was quite low emotion n reaction. He trying to make everything fine. We went out for breakfast then back home. he pack his stuff i play iphone game,online. Then later we watch some dance video together.Clock hitz 4pm then out we go to airport as he is working on LAbour day. I drive back kl after he report in n send me to the car. I start my journey back KL again alone. I hate it when i'm alone bcoz my mind will start all the rubbish thinking again. I really need someone to tell me what i'm doing is rite or wrong. I admit whatever sh*T i did to find out the truth is wrong. I"m sorry. i really can;t control my emotion. Staying cool is not the way anymore.
i just need u to stop lying to me n hurt me.
2nd may I'm writing this blog just to make myself not to think so much of him.But it doesn't really help as i will just miss him n think about him everynite n day. i'm no longer the happy go lucky girl, crazy crazy everyday, smile n talk non-stop. hyperactive, why isst my age or i just change. Now i feel myself is more serious, tired, overwork, stress, worry. What happen to me? why am i facing so much stress? Am i putting all the stress to me? Can i runaway from it?
I need to plan a holiday.A good one no more wack,sh*t moment.
END
On 24th April is the day i meet him and ready for our holiday. I prepare the present n a little surprise when he back to SG. I reach SG at 4.30pm then i walk around n eat my lunch.Prepare for class at 6.30pm my adek teaching. At 6.10pm my phone rang, he call me say he is at airport. My heart was hit by an arrow n burst. I turn speechless n lost. I break my promise with adek,arjuna n others saying got to go. I went to the airport n saw him sitting outside with t-shirt is was so hurtful. I can;t even smile n give him a big hugs or kiss. I feel so stupid.But i maintain n went home with him book air ticket,hotel room n pack everything for our holiday in Taiwan.1st holiday together going so far.Excited but feeling got mix up.
On 25th morning we went to airport at 5am. So freaking early but we are like half awake so we sleep all the way in the flight after we ate our breakfast.I'm putting the things aside n enjoy myself with him. He pamper me n take care of me bcoz the seat is not really comfortable.so i sleep on his thigh.feel so good n i slept all the way :) Reach taiwan at 12pm. then we get our stuff n check in to the hotel. The hotel is so nice n clean good choice. After that we went for lunch then sleep.HAHA
after the sleep, we hit to SHIHLIN at 8.30pm then we eat,shop,n drink XD.
He bought me a air troupe just newly arrive.He really pamper me. I really kiss n hugs him so tight. Feel the holiday is so superb.
26th we went to XiMEN DING for shopping. We took bus, train. DIE DIE no taxi trying to save money n shop more. XD We walk almost the whole place n found many many cool stuff. He like it but the price is EX especially the stuff he like.. never seem to get anything from XIMENDING then we went to find the NEw Era cap as VOn told me. hahaha found the shop using iphone map. but he don like cap so we went back hotel after tat. LAter at 8.40pm we went to shihlin again for food n shopping. This time we plan to play 5-10 so we bought some soft drink to mix with liqour. Is such a bad nite i lost most of the game n i drunk. I start making so much noise n say out alots of foul words. i can't control my emotion after i found something. HAIZZZ bad nite
27th wake up with headache n migraine. Hate myself for drinking so much n i really can't remember what did i say to him. i took panadol then watch tv til he wake up. Then we went out to miramar wheels n walk around n have lunch.I was putting the sadness aside n enjoy myself. Then we took alots of picture walking around the shopping mall. But seem taiwan shopping mall very quite n boring. At 7pm we decide to go Shihlin again for dinner. This time Q for the fried chicken then crab, then pearl drink, fruits, and etc.HAHA FAT!! i go crazy shopping for lil gift for my girls. After everything we were too tired n go back hotel. Back hotel my emotion start again.. arghhh!!! i hate myself.. This time no drink or anything just normal talk. I'm happy he tell me so much n decide to stay positive.Then i fall asleep after listening to everything.
28th we wake up late.Around 3pm we check out n went for lunch before taxi uncle pick us up to airport. We were very quiet today bcoz i seem lost of talking interest.But he remain cool n make me happy.After lunch, we go airport n bad news is flight delay one hour. AHH!!! then we went burger king. Here we eat n laugh. then suddenly me again emotion lose control n small fight. He stop the conversation n stop the fight. I remain quiet til we get ourself check in n board in. I think i was thinking too much til my head migraine. After we get our boarding ticket i lose balance n giddy n i fall to him. He got to take care of me again althought after the fight.I really donno what type of feeling should i have. Waited til like 9plus only the flight board when the time supposed to be 7.45pm. Haizxz. Feel not well n he still willing to take care of me after i mess up the holiday. buy food n drink for me, blanket me n kiss me on the forehead. TELL ME WHAT AM I DOING?
29th reach airport at 2am. Drive home n unpack is already 3plus. Tired doh!! going back kl later at 1pm. Really like marathon holiday.The next day i just feel asking him to rest at SG then follow me back KL rehearsal. But he willing to do as what we plan. Back to kl at 4.30pm then i rehearse with my girls. After tat we went for dinner at McD then movie at TGV watching THOR.. NICe movie n we enjoy our nite.I did bring up the topic n he say back home first.so i silence again.
30th wake up at 8am n go 1u for show rehearsal. I pity myself so do him. I turn speechless sometimes donno what am i thinking about. And what is he doing n thinking about. :(
Showtime at 1.15pm end 1.40pm then we have a drink at Kluang Station with von, yvonne, bobby, astro ppl. At 2.40pm we left n hit back to Singapore. The traffic was bad that take us 5hours to reach Singapore. i start again n he end it again. We went staright to town for dinner with his friends then recognize studio for dance session bcoz cinema seem to be full.. So we left studio around 11.40pm. I feel so not happy bcoz i got the feeling again. back home i shower n rest don even feel like doing anything stupid again. But my emotion hit me again n i send him a sms with his reply i put myself in silence. I was planning to leave n drive back in the middle of the night but is really crazy if i do so. Then i tell myself sleep n wake up with a better mind.
1st May the day i hate it so much due to something. But i remain silence so tat i don't blow any bad words again. I was quite low emotion n reaction. He trying to make everything fine. We went out for breakfast then back home. he pack his stuff i play iphone game,online. Then later we watch some dance video together.Clock hitz 4pm then out we go to airport as he is working on LAbour day. I drive back kl after he report in n send me to the car. I start my journey back KL again alone. I hate it when i'm alone bcoz my mind will start all the rubbish thinking again. I really need someone to tell me what i'm doing is rite or wrong. I admit whatever sh*T i did to find out the truth is wrong. I"m sorry. i really can;t control my emotion. Staying cool is not the way anymore.
i just need u to stop lying to me n hurt me.
2nd may I'm writing this blog just to make myself not to think so much of him.But it doesn't really help as i will just miss him n think about him everynite n day. i'm no longer the happy go lucky girl, crazy crazy everyday, smile n talk non-stop. hyperactive, why isst my age or i just change. Now i feel myself is more serious, tired, overwork, stress, worry. What happen to me? why am i facing so much stress? Am i putting all the stress to me? Can i runaway from it?
I need to plan a holiday.A good one no more wack,sh*t moment.
END
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